hmmm...
think i'd go with:

-never seems to have time with me when i want him to
-sees other women but doesn't like me to see other men
-has problems with my weight
-doesn't like me wearing pink

well that about sums up the one i'm working on now!

Must be in therapy
Must be a mama's boy
Must have severe commitment issues
Must point out all of my short comings
Must be a pompus prick
Will always, always pine for me after I finally realize I don't want to be with him

- ex skater, struggling artist or musician
- still discovering sexual preference
- does cocaine, a lot of pot or speed regularly
- cheats and tells you you are psycho and insecure when you come across earrings that don't belong to you, used condoms etc.
- when you ask him to come home because you have pneumonia and a four year old to take care of he says "Well what the hell could *I* do????"
- any talk about anything besides his interests makes him tired, especially about yours. talk about the relationship induces narcoleptic episodes.
- says things like "I never asked you to <fill in the blank>" A few common ones are "cook me dinner", "massage my back", "do or fold my laundry", "make my lunch", "loan me money".
- You met him at a bar.

> i could *get* to clean his kitchen, get fucked, and work on the car.

Personally, I wouldn't let you work on my car.

Qualities for picking a new shitty girlfriend:

1) Thinks her total lack of self control, huge credit card debt and poor habits are attractive features of "spontanaity."

2) borderline alcoholic, druggie, in her 30s, and really really really wants to be a mommy so she can guilt you out about giving up her 'career.'

3) wants you to love and accept her with all her flaws, but will nag you for all yours for the rest of your life if you give her half a chance.

4) wants you to be "smart" as in, have a high paying job and be sort of autistic and easy to manipulate, rather than in posession of actual challenging intelligence, which would require her to self improve to keep up.

5) is actually mostly frigid, but will engage in whatever stupid human trick kink-du-jour (rug munching, frothy buttsex, naked bondage twister) she thinks will make her look like less of a prude.

6) excuses acting like a compleat lunatic (random screaming fits, throwing around of handy objects, pouting, overanalyzing of minutae, etc etc) as "being a girl," yet insists she is your mental and physical equal. Thinks the only meaning of the word "character" is as used in the phrase "chinese character tattoo."

7) complains because men all want a mommy, despite the fact that she wants someone to unconditionally love her, support her, buy her a pony and make her life perfect.

8) doesn't like the fact that you go to the gym, since it means she might have to squeeze her big ass into some sweats and go out and move around a little.

9) has herpes, won't tell you

10) thinks she deserves someone really great, well-adjusted, hot, healthy, in shape, smart and so on, without being someone who is, well, in posession of any, let alone all of those features.

-Lupo

lol i had to join this tribe just so i could respond...
a shitty new boyfreind huh?
how about one who....
-talks down to you a lot, but tries to hide it by making it sound like baby talk (condescending)
-gives a shitty 2 minute massage and doesnt try to learn what you like or do a better job with it. and only gives massages when asked, never offers on his own.
-only wants to do the same old things all the time, such as go to the grocery store, or rent a damn movie.
-is boring, forcing you to watch like 3 hours a day of the speed channel, or even better, lpays stupid racing games for hours with his freinds on the playstation.
-doesnt get you or your interests whatsoever.
-never has anything interesting or enlightening to say.
-checks out other girls in front of you and talks about how hot it is that theyre athletic (and youre not)
-thinks anniversaries and holidays are not important, doesnt bother to get you any gifts until after the fact, when you have already cried about the fact that he forgot, then acts like a freaking martyr.
-NEVER thinks to buy you a cute little something every now and then. i dont mean diamonds or anything, just a little book or dollar store gift or something, even though you buy him little gifts all the time.
-bitches and moans about how messy you are and how you never cook for him, but who really wants to cook and clean for a buy that cant even make his girl feel like a priority. im not your maid, bitch, im your woman. treat me like one.
-makes you feel guilty all the time for not trusting him, even though he's the one that lies all the time, not you.
-tries to fuck with your head by acting like he doesnt trust you, when all along he was the one who shouldne be trusted.
-tells lies all the time, leading you to think he might cheat.
-cheats on you with a freind.
-lies about cheating with freind.
-keeps fucking you, even the very next day after fucking your freind.
-doesnt act very sorry about any of it.
i could keep going but its getting pretty depressing.