DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!!'s topics - tribe.net

read a break up book

2007-09-04T08:42:08Z

I just finished a book called High Maintenance. In innate piece of fluff. And I needed it. To do the break up that I can't. But in it she fights it cuz he's kinda cute, but in the end tells the jerk to go fly a kite. Okay later takes him by gunpoint and leaves him on the side of the highway.

Somehow cured, I let the book on the bus....

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 1 reply

qualities for picking a new shitty boyfriend

2007-05-28T21:20:04Z

except it's not a boyfriend. at all.

i'm being so honored. i could *get* to clean his kitchen, get fucked, and work on the car. woo woo! you know how to show a girl a good time! at least he cooks.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 25 replies

New here and have a question

2007-05-20T13:18:35Z

hi all
I so need to belong to this tribe. looking at the old posts I see so many things that describe my boyfriend. I know I need to leave but I feel super guilty about doing so a lot of the time . reading what everyone has had to say has made me realize that I need to feel angry not guilty. So I know this tribe will be a good influence on me. also ( I hope this is not bad tribe ettiquette) but I am wondering if there is a tribe that deals specifically with cheating. that is being cheating on or suspecting that one is being cheating on and how to follow up on those suspicions. have attempted tribe search using the word cheating and infidelity but this seems to be of no avail. Thanks in advance

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 2 replies

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2007-05-18T04:04:44Z

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posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 0 replies

Passive aggressive partner, aaaarrrrgggghhhh!

2007-02-28T11:32:39Z

I met someone that I loved in a way that I didn't know I could love. He doesn't love me in the same way. We were together for 9 months. He was dishonest. He has an emotional poverty. He doesn't get angry, he doesn't get joyful, he doesn't display emotions much at all. He doesn't have a political or spiritual consciousness yet. He gave up on us. I don't know what is going on with him becuase he can't /won't express it.
I love him and want to accept him for who he is now. But I am so angry that he is unwilling or unable to go to the places I need to go to. Some of these places are unpleasant. There's anger, sadness but joy and committment too. I know that he can't go these places in himself. I know it has nothing to do with me. I know this and yet I am still so angry.
I can't wait around to see if he ever makes a break through and feels anything. I don't want to spend my life waiting on something that may never happen. I can love my own anger ( it's here for a reason) . And yet I don't like being angry with someone I love.

What is your experience with passive aggressive men/ partners? How do you get htrough to them or so you just give up?
What can a relationship be if there isn't open honest communication involved?

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 2 replies

The Psychopath I Loved

2006-07-28T06:36:23Z

(Those of you who belong to the "Breaking Up" and/or "Broken Hearts" tribes may have read parts of this story in posts I've made over the last two months. This post is a telling of the entire story, plus a summary of how I got there and what I learned. I post it in the spirit of helping others avoid the pain I've suffered. I hope this will also serve as a final bit of closure for this tragic period of my life. Thanks. - Paul)

Two months ago I was dumped by a woman I was with for four years. It was a complete surprise; she never once complained about the relationship, or asked for anything different. We got along very well, we never argued, and we laughed and had fun nearly ever day. There was no way for me to know that anything was wrong – all I got was a surprise unilateral dumping.

The reason she stated for dumping me was that she wanted a man who was more “jealous” and that I was too “bohemian” for her. Huh? After four years she just suddenly noticed that I’m not jealous?

And, to top it all off, she announced that she’s been unhappy for three months and only realize it that week, and she felt “relief” to be dumping me, and she NEVER wanted to have a romantic relationship with me again, but wanted all the benefits of our friendship to continue without interruption.

She had been so warm and loving for four years. She always seemed so appreciative of me, and the time I spent with her. What made the breakup so very hard was that she was as cold as ice. She dumped me with all of the kindness, warmth and empathy of a prosecuting attorney.

None of it made sense to me. My heart was shattered. My mind was spinning trying to make some sense out of it.

Just a few hours after the breakup, I offered to return the copies of her house keys, car keys, and garage-door opener that she had given me years ago. She was completely unfazed – as if nothing had happened. In fact, she said “I didn’t ask for these back, but I’ll take them, I guess.” What, did she think I wanted to open her condo up to find her having sex with some new guy? What the hell was she thinking?

It was this “unfeeling” behavior that clued me in that something might be wrong. It was as if I dealing a different woman. As recently as a few days before the breakup she seemed happy and very much in love. Yet now she was cold, emotionless, and seemingly incapable of any kind empathy.

Now, keep in mind, this woman was no picnic to be with. She suffered from a sordid soup of psychological conditions including bipolar disorder (which she was being treated for), and I suspect sociopathy and borderline personality disorder (which went untreated). Just to give you some idea of how sick, in the four years I knew her she had taken five months leave from work due to extreme depression and committed herself to a hospital program. This girl was not normal and I knew it. It was often a struggle for me to maintain any kind of relationship with her.

I did not hear from her until five days later when I received an email from her asking if “I was okay”. This email lead to me sending her more emails – some of which were quite angry -- and finally I called her that night to express my feelings.

I asked her this question that was tearing me up inside:

Why didn’t you communicate your dissatisfaction with the relationship, and why won’t you give me an opportunity to work with you to improve it, rather than kill it off unilaterally and permanently?

I felt the relationship was worth trying to save. And I wondered how she could be so incredibly unhappy inside for three months, yet have acted so very happy on the outside.

The conversation was difficult. She was evasive, cold, and unemotional. No matter what I said, she seemed completely unable to empathize with me, she was unwilling to consider alternate viewpoints, she was unapologetic, and she didn’t seem to care in the least. How could she possibly hope to maintain a friendship with me if she’s so unwilling to communicate or empathize?

With great effort I was finally able to get her to admit that the reasons she had stated for dumping me was crock of lies – the real truth was that she had found a new man, who she had not only started dating, but was already having sex with. She had to get rid of me to make room for him. In short, even though she had only known this man for three weeks, she was choosing him over me and that was that. She couldn’t give a shit about how I felt, couldn’t be bothered to see my perspective, and she even bragged about how “Once I make a decision I stick to it”. Since when did it become a desirable characteristic to be closed-minded and pig-headed?

What a lying bitch! She was planning on keeping her relationship with her new man secret from me in order to benefit from my friendship!

I told her that I was finished with her, and that I wanted no contact, no conversation, no friendship with her ever. I demanded a complete split from her on a permanent basis. My thinking was that I could never trust someone like her again, and only by severing all ties could I be safe from falling victim to her lies again.

Even with the anger, the breakup was grueling. This girl was not just my lover; she was my best friend. Every day we would hook up, talk on the phone for hours, or go out to dinner, drinks, movies and even trips together. Suddenly, my best friend was gone, I had nothing to do, and I was suffering a terrible heartache and betrayal. I will admit that I suffered horribly. I lost track of how many nights I went without sleep. I lost track of how much my work suffered. What a crappy thing for this woman to do to me! Some friend she was.

But, the pain wasn’t over. Twenty three days passed, then my phone rang at 9:11 PM and who was calling me? It was her new boyfriend. He called to tell me that “we” just found two more of my belongings at “our” place, and he asked if I wanted “them” to box them up and send them to me. I guess he’d already moved in with her. That was quick! And he sure wanted me to know it. What an asshole.

God damn it. My heart was pounding so hard that I could barely think. HOW DARE HE CALL ME? What a crappy excuse! OF COURSE send me back my stuff!! Just like she did the other box of stuff! The only way he could have gotten my phone number was from her. So she probably asked him to call me. Why? WHY!

Then he began bragging about how he “awakened a desire with her” and “offered her something you could never give her” and how they are now such a very happy couple. I think he’s offered to marry her, and since I’m fixed, he’s likely going to have babies with her.

I was sick of this whole thing. How DARE this jerk call me? With such a lame excuse to boot! So, I decided to be completely honest with the guy. I told him about her emotional and psychological problems. I told him the whole story of what it’s like to live with her.

He kept repeating “well, you know, I’ve been around the block a few times, and I know what I’m doing” so I told him “I just wanted you to know what you’re getting into” – she’s done this to every man before me, she’s done it to me, and it’s pretty likely she’ll do it to you.

Well, he gave me the old “with ME it will be different” googly-eyed story. I know he didn’t want to hear anything I was saying, and he kept shouting “in one year I’ll call you and prove to you that you’re wrong” I said, it took me FOUR years to be betrayed, so if you’re going to call me, do it five years. By the time I was finished with this idiot, he sounded like a teenager struggling to justify his foolish life-ruining decisions. And I guarantee he’ll never call me again!

And that was it. I haven’t seen or heard from her or her boyfriend since. My heart still aches, and I still struggle, but it’s over. Thank God it’s over.

So, what happened? How did I get myself into this situation? What did I learn?

1. You’re Crazy if you have a relationship with a Crazy Person

When I met her, she was confident, happy, and fun. We had sex on the second date – I liked that. (I didn’t like that she did that with the new guy while she was still seeing me.)

For those first few weeks she was in a manic phase, and when she was manic, she was fantastic! Sadly, it doesn’t last. The fun and excitement is always followed by depression and misery. It’s a cycle. Bipolar disorder is a roller-coaster ride from hell.

I saw her mental disorders hurt people – lots of people. I saw her suffer too. I struggled to stay with her. Here’s an example: one day she’d be telling me how much she loved her two cats “They’re so important to me! I love them so much” then a week later “I hate these cats and I’m going to take them down to the animal shelter today” This is true, and it’s just one example. Somehow, though, I never thought at I would be a victim. After all, I’m special, right?

She also suffered from sociopathy. Check out the site lovefraud.com. Sociopaths have the ability to pretend to care about you as long as you satisfy their needs, then the moment they see someone else who they perceive as “better”, they’ll turn their feeling for you off like a switch. It can be devastating. People with Borderline Personality Disorder can do something called “switching”, which produces the same results – one day you’re the greatest love and hero in their world, and the next day you’re worse that something they’d wipe off their shoe.

Bottom Line: You will be a victim. It’s just a matter of time.

2. Don’t Expect a Return on Your Investment

I really enjoyed her first manic phase. But it was followed by a lengthy and deep depression. I really struggled to stay with her. She’d spend day after day hiding in her house wrapped up in a blanket. She’d pick at her face until it bled. She’d get so agoraphobic that she’d refuse to go to the supermarket to get food.

I worked with her. I supported her. I loved her.

Her depression medicine prevented her from having orgasms, and I supported her as she tried various other treatment regimens including amino acids, sunlamps, exercise, etc.

She dressed terribly, belonged to a bizarre cult, and never went anywhere. As time progressed she improved, she dressed better, she became more fun, more outgoing. She often thanked me for helping her crawl out of her shell. Toward the end we were relaxed, happy, and things were sweet between us.

I feel like the guy who works two jobs for eight years to put his girlfriend through medical school then the moment she graduates she leaves him.

So here I am, the sucker who poured four years of my life into an unappreciative woman and just when she’s really starting to be fun, beautiful, sexy and desirable, she dumps me and some other guy gets to enjoy her – a guy she’s only known for three weeks.

I didn’t think of it this way at the time, but I was expecting her to treat me as kindly as I treated her.

Bottom Line: Don’t expect any return on your investment. Don’t expect to enjoy her, and don’t expect to be treated in kind. If you do something for somebody, do it altruistically. Right now some other guy who did no work is reaping all the benefits of all of my work.

3. Many Women Can’t Communicate what they Want

Two months before the breakup I was faced with an opportunity to divide a property that I co-own with my ex-wife. I realized that I could split the double-lot, build a house on the second lot, and make a cool half-million dollars in the process. When my apartment rent increased by $200 a month I decided to take advantage of the opportunity, and I moved into a mother-in-law cottage on the property to oversee the work.

My therapist says that by doing this I started the breakup process. My ex saw this is as me moving “away” from a relationship with her, and “toward” reconciliation with my ex. This was not true, it was a purely financial decision.

She didn’t express this opinion. It was my job to “guess”.

Bottom Line: Find out early if you’re in a relationship with a woman where your guessing abilities are critical for the relationship’s survival. If they are, then end the relationship as early as possible. I don’t give a shit how women are socialized; I refuse to be saddled with the additional life-long responsibility of guessing what my partner wants. Say it or forget it ladies! I’d rather be alone than burn in guessing hell.

4. Some People Can’t Be Honest

She told me she broke up with me because I’m too “bohemian”. I think I know what she was talking about.

When she met “the new guy” she seemed pretty interested in him. I asked her if she was interesting in pursing a relationship with him. I said “just be honest with me and keep me in the loop.” I figured it would be better to be honest than to be cheated on, right?

She said, “I want to spend six months to get to know <him> before I make any decisions to be intimate with him – I don’t want to do anything to endanger my relationship with you.”

It was about one week after that that the two of them were fucking, not six months – so she lied to me. This is a particularly heinous lie too, because I was planning on using those six months to see what could possibly be done to improve our relationship. Maybe there was something I could do – we could to.

Secondly, and this is one of those weird “woman” things, my therapist says that she was hoping that I’d be insanely jealous, and that if I had been jealous maybe she wouldn’t have left me.

Being a woman she’s not expected to tell me that I’m supposed to be jealous, I’m supposed to guess that, remember? Plus, the fact that I am not jealous by nature worked against me. The fact that I was being honest worked against me. Everything worked against me.

All I ever asked her to do was to be honest with me. And she couldn’t even do that.

Bottom Line: Don’t expect people to be honest with you. Some people are simply incapable of it.

5. I Enjoyed Being Her Daddy

Our relationship was not normal my any measure. How can you have a normal relationship with a woman who promises to hook up with you but cancels 50% of the time because of mood swings? How can you have a normal relationship with a woman who will disappear for weeks at a time because of depression? A woman who can’t have orgasms? A woman who can’t go out because she’s so stoned on prescription drugs that she can’t move her legs?

Yes, I was her lover. Yes, we were best friends. But, I was also a father figure in her life. And, although I didn’t realize it, I enjoyed being the smart, reliable, giving, nurturing “boss” in that relationship.

Bottom Line: If you’re a caretaker, realize it. Your progeny can ditch you anytime; so don’t get too attached to your heroic role. Having it terminated like mine was really hurt.

6. Honest, Unconditional, Non-Possessive Love Can Bite You in the Ass

Ever hear of unconditional love? I work to love everyone and everything in my life in this way: unconditional, honest, open, accepting love. Love without grabbing, without owning, without expectations. I loved her and accepted her for who she was, not who I wished she was, or what I hoped to mold her into. Love with liberty and freedom for all involved. In my opinion this is True Love.

Rarely do I receive love of the same kind in return. Some seem devoted to possess and control. Some wish to be possessed and controlled. Some seem to enjoy the primordial drama of jealousy. Some become convinced that a statement of commitment -- which is a promise for a future that no one can control, somehow trumps a joyful now.

Bottom Line: Yes, it can really hurt to love with an open hand, especially when that love is not appreciated, or worse when it's returned with dishonesty and betrayal. However, the intensity, joy, and freedom of altruistic love is well worth the pain. I think I'll keep loving with my hands wide open.

7. I Cared A Lot More than I Thought I Did

The biggest comment I got from my family was “I’m really surprised you’re so broken up about this woman – she was such a loser.”

Yes, she was very difficult. But I thought I’d put plenty of distance in the relationship. I refused to move in with her. I refused to let her call me her “boyfriend”. I tried hard not to see her every day.

No matter how hard I tried, I did fall in love with her. As my therapist says “Despite the millions of red flags that were waving in front of my face.”

Bottom Line: Don’t fall let yourself fall in love when that's not what you want. It can happen slowly, despite your clever precautions.

Now she’s gone. Enough time has passed that I can remember the difficulty, and I feel enough pain that I no longer love her. I still have moments when she flashing into my mind. I am not proud that I hate her at times, and I wish that she suffer just as she’s made me suffer.

Someday maybe I’ll forgive her. I’d like that. But not today.

Maybe she’s already married. Maybe she’s already pregnant. Her new boyfriend/husband is in for some real surprises! And thanks to her betrayal and dishonesty the guy who knows her best and has been her best supporter (me) is now gone from her life forever. Good luck, bitch.

They’re both sure to reap what they sewed. And, if there is a God, karma will be a real bitch for the both of them.

So that’s my tragic story of betrayal, lies, and heartache. I hope that you can benefit from my pain, and avoid some suffering in your own life.

My advice:

1. Do an Intellius check on any person you plan on having a relationship with.

2. Even if they’re just going to be a girlfriend/boyfriend, have at least three “pre-marital counseling sessions” with a MFT before you allow yourself to fall in love, cohabitate, or make any kind of commitment to anyone.

3. Don’t “be your best” when you’re around her. Don’t dress better than you normally do, don’t spend more than you normally would. If you fart and eat 99¢ cheeseburgers, then you should fart and eat 99¢ cheeseburgers around her. Life is too short to pretend to be something you’re not. And besides, you’ll eventually have to revert to who you really are, and that’s a terrible surprise to spring on somebody!

4. Spell out your arrangement verbally – it’s only a commitment if it’s explicit and mutual. Repeat this process periodically (at least once a year). Don’t assume – “Well, we’ve been going out for two years now, so he’s probably monogamous with me, and I expect him to pop the question any time now.” Bullshit! Say it! Spell it out!

5. If she’s hurt/ruined/destroyed other partners, you are next. No, sorry -- you’re not special. You have no special “love mojo” that will somehow protect you. People don’t change – honest.

6. Friends (even “friends with benefits”) are must more important, reliable, loving and caring for you than Lovers/Boyfriends/Girlfriends/Fiancés/Husbands/Wives. A lover can turn on you in 5.2 seconds, become your enemy, destroy your heart, ruin your life, and take half of your life’s fortune. Remember this, and treat your friends with the love, generosity, and support befitting their real life value to you. And, inversely, don’t give your lover that much importance/power in your life – remember, they can turn on you in a way a friend would never do.

7. If you’re not happy, tell her. If she doesn’t seem happy, ask her why. If either of you aren’t happy, try to fix it. If a reasonable amount of honesty and fixing doesn’t work then END IT. Relationships DO NOT require hard work and compromise – that is a LIE. Don’t hang on to something bad just because it’s familiar and comfortable.

8. Learn to be happy and completely fulfilled by yourself – without a relationship. View romantic relationships as being completely optional.

9. Always have an escape plan at the ready. Have enough money to move out in a special account or in a safety deposit box that only you can access.

10. In the name of all that is holy, DO NOT try to force an improvement in a relationship by making an increasing string of commitments with each other. If things are bad, don’t try to fix them by getting married. If your marriage is weak, don’t try to strengthen it by having kids. Adding more kids doesn’t help either. The moment you have a baby you stop being lovers and you both turn into parents. It’s a hole new ballpark and it’s irreversible.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 0 replies

An Open Letter To Someone Who Sucks

2006-04-22T00:38:28Z

Have you even noticed that you've lost me?

Fuck you and your false promises. I don't think you even realize it when you're lying!

I have ached and ached and ached...

And you KNOW exactly why it is I cut you off. I said straight up...you need to choose, here or there, because I can't handle living out here in my metaphoric no-man's land...

*Click...*

That's it?
No regrets?

I can't believe I actually sat there and asked you for the truth. As effective a strategy as asking a toddler to diagram the molecular mapping of the milk in his sippy cup.

That's you though...a fucking child hiding behind your cup...

I'm not so egotistical that I need to pretend you didn't hurt me. You hurt me enormously, you fucking prick. But you're still a piece of shit so don't let it go to your head.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 4 replies

make fun of him

2006-03-23T19:35:37Z

i used to have this boy friend. he was the WORST shitty boy friend in the world.

so i made fun of him. i made up silly songs about his strange behavior, i called him crazy richard (even though his name was fred), i video taped him snoring, when he came home drunk and passed out i took polariods of him, i told all our friends about the strange things he said in his sleep and egged him on to say more. and when he was a brat i threatened to call his mother and tell on him.

so, all i'm saying, is if you go out with an asshole and haven't managed to give him up yet, at least have fun w/ him while he's still around.

btw this relationship ended a few years ago and i've never been happier.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 10 replies

for wildbronco hedonist who isnt in this tribe..

2006-03-11T07:04:40Z

I am tired of this rollercoaster ride.. I am tired of you telling eveyone that you are in a poly/open relationship when you have a girlfriend that you live with and she has no idea that you are fucking me.. or in a relationship with me.. or that you love me.. I am tired of waiting for you to tell her so that we can just get on with this.. I am tired of me being the only one who knows that you are in a live in relationship and have been for years.. I am tired of listening to you say that you are not happy with her and that you want out when you dont have the balls to do something about it.. You are my Master.. start acting like one.. be a man and tell her..

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 0 replies

i didn't do the dump

2006-02-20T14:51:12Z

and now I hating that I didn't - she said she needed space and that she would not hook up in the mean time and then she goes and does it right in my face. She leaves with a guy and tells me later that she did exactly what she said she would not do. I hate this part - I forgot how bad it hurts and can't wait until this feeling goes away. So what is the timetable like - it just happened this past Thursday; a week or so - right? We were dating only 3 and a half months or so - but I am a sap or at least I became one recently; maybe I made rookie moves with her and now I am just angry about my own personal mistakes. What do I do? Stay busy I guess . . .

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 1 reply

"It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken"

2006-01-14T19:54:01Z

EVERYONE IN A DEAD END RELATIONSHIP OR RECENTLY OUT OF ONE- get this book NOW! Get it on CD if possible. I am so lucky that my local library had it on CD, and I happened to find it the day after my ex and I started taking a "break." It saved my life, energy, dignity and heart during and after my break-up, it gives the best advice ever! It was written by the dude who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You," Greg something, I don't know how to spell his last name, and his wife. They wrote it together, it's very cute... has anyone read this book? If you haven't, read it after you've broken up and tell all your friends just out of relaitonships to read it as well!!

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 0 replies

Get Out While You Can

2006-01-07T22:01:55Z

Hey y'all (I'm not southern I just like to say that ;)

This is the voice of experience here. Save yourselves.

If he's a lying, cheating druggie when you get married he's not going to change!

I wasted half my life in a relationship that was doomed from the start. Yeah I know. But I'm telling you so you won't waste your time, energy or love on someone who just doesn't deserve it.

If you are even contemplating trying to "save" your relationship and the other person clearly isn't interested:

DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!!

and save yourself!

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 1 reply

Next Time Check List

2006-01-07T22:00:07Z

Have you ever been to jail?

Have you ever hit, pushed, or slapped a girl?

Are you unemployed?

Do you smoke pot everday all (or almost everyday)?

Do you have anger management problems?

Are you obsessed with sex to the point that you don't care that I slept for only 4 hours and need to go to work from 9-4 and then drag my ass all the way from the city to the east bay and will make my life miserable for the rest of the day (+ not let me sleep anymore) if i don't fuck u RIGHT NOW?

...if u answered yes to any of the above i wont even CONSIDER dating you. i know everyone deserves a second chance in life (I TOTALLY AGREE), but I have been the second chance giving fairy for way too long. I've given plenty of loser assholes second chances only to get fucked. this checklist is only to protect myself!

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 7 replies

Link for you

2005-06-28T22:07:55Z

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/genetic.shtml

I find the concept of this tribe deeply amusing.

-Lupo

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 10 replies

Dump city

2005-06-28T19:29:50Z

I did it.He poured a beer over my head....fucker
Now im going to post in bitter-bitter-bitter

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 6 replies

Ladies (and gentlemen) it's THEM

2005-06-28T18:16:53Z

Hi,

I just wanted to pop in here and contribute what I could...

Your stories sound so familiar... But I'm out - gone.

What I realized was my guy was a narcissist - something worth looking up and checking out. It seems like some sort of pop psych category until you learn about it in depth. Yeah, you might *react* to what they do, but *they're* the ones choosing to push your anxiety buttons. Your trick is to go ahead and acknowledge the emotion (such as fear or humiliation) but keep functioning cooly. Just imagine you're an actor, with stagefright, and you have to go onstage anyway, and you pull it off to a standing ovation. :)

I have a couple of links in my profile that might help (not a business, just 2 links I like.) The first is about recruiting your own unconscious self, the other is about fanning your own flames.

Unbalanced people can be exciting, but it really is better to find or create better forms of Wow. Despite their intentions, people out-of-balance usually leave a lot of collateral damage in their wake.

PS - part of the continued draw to someone you know is bad for you may be some combo of oxytocin levels and hypnotic game-playing (whether intentional or not.) I suggest reading up on hypnosis, NLP, and bad-boy dating techniques (yes, there are guys out there who teach dudes how to be A**h*les.)

There are cool people out there - no sense in wasting time with the bad onez...

P'z

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 0 replies

Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now - Do I Have to Choose?

2005-04-21T16:10:13Z

Http://www.sexandmoxie.blogspot.com

True story with a lot of naughty details. It's about one woman deciding between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 3 replies

life goals

2004-12-21T23:31:47Z

yep, one of those things. even though you can get along great, sometimes you just want different things. and sometimes people just aren't compatible in the amount of effort and involvement that they want. and when you just can't get the communication to work...

i don't know how anybody manages to keep it together...

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 1 reply

Too good to leave...

2004-07-28T21:04:32Z

I'm in a great relationship now but had a horrible last serious relationship... the signs were there and I ignored them because I LOVED him. Took me a very long time to get around to dumping him. Best thing I ever did - but also the hardest. Biggest regret is not doing it sooner.

But I digress.

A book I read really helped me clarify my decision and thoughts on the relationship - was called "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay". It convinced me (intellectually) that it was time to give up. It took my emotions a while to join the cause but the realizations I got reading the book helped me stay strong in staying away.

I really recommend it - and I think most "self help" books are drivel.

For those of you on the fence - read read read this book

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 3 replies

on line boyfriend

2004-06-08T22:16:13Z

as i was reading the posts in this room i felt really bad. you guys seem so cool and nice. i don't want you to have shitty boyfriends. i want you to be excited and happy.

and i want you all to get not one, but a bunch of dates, on the internet. that way you'll be way to busy to think about you shitty ex/boyfriends.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 2 replies

tired of complaining, so....

2004-04-23T16:22:45Z

i was tired of complaining about what my bf (subjectively shitty at times) did or wasn't doing so I took matters into my own hands and ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP.

What a revalation.

Phew.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 10 replies

Hi there, I'm new, and boy do I have a shitty boyfriend that I love!

2004-04-03T00:41:07Z

I've lived with this monster for almost three years now, in what seems to be an increasingly smaller apartment. I have never in my life met someone I wanted to punch in the face so bad, yet moments later I want to make out with him. I alternatly fantasize about our wedding and his funeral, sometimes within the same day. What in the hell is the matter with me? People tend to catagorize him as a guy you either love or hate, (most people choose the latter) yet I feel both for him. I wish I could just choose one! Sometimes I think he's literally conducting a psychology experiment on me and is trying to drive me insane.
Any-hoo, I'm glad I'm not the only idiot around who loves her man despite not being able to take him to any family functions, or really even anywhere in public.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 8 replies

women who still love their shitty EX boyfriends

2004-03-29T23:56:31Z

I am no longer in the shitty relationship. I am breaking all ties with him, in fact, in order to protect myself. I am in the process of healing and forgiving, and I definitely still love him even though I am taking these measures.
I love myself, and therefore must take care of myself, especially after the last month of some of the heaviest experiences I have ever known.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 3 replies

So i have a shitty assed boyfriend

2004-02-09T03:07:45Z

Hi there. Please welcome me and help me feel *less* ashamed.

Tonight he told me he had no idea what "irreverent" meant.

Can anyone use that in a sentence involving your very own SAB (shitty-ass boyfriend)?

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 4 replies

CASTING: Want to give your ex another chance

2004-01-29T01:32:07Z

CASTING: CASTING: Want to give your ex another chance ... or find a lost love?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: sc@grbtv.com
Date: 2004-01-14, 7:47PM PST

DO YOU WANT TO GIVE YOUR EX A SECOND CHANCE?

Is there someone you can’t get off your mind? Was your break up a mistake? Did you miss the chance to tell them how you really feel? Have you lost touch with someone who may be the one?

You're in luck!

TLC wants people (ages 20-45) like you for a new TV show.
We'll send you on an adventure that could change your life!
But first you have to contact us.

Everyone Deserves a Second Chance!!!

If someone you know wants our help call 818.461.3159 or email us at sc@grbtv.com with a brief description of yourself, your ex, and your relationship.

Don’t forget to include a recent photo of yourself AND MENTION CRAIGSLIST!

Don’t worry, just because you don’t know where they are doesn’t mean we can’t find them. ... or find a lost love?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: sc@grbtv.com
Date: 2004-01-14, 7:47PM PST

DO YOU WANT TO GIVE YOUR EX A SECOND CHANCE?

Is there someone you can’t get off your mind? Was your break up a mistake? Did you miss the chance to tell them how you really feel? Have you lost touch with someone who may be the one?

You're in luck!

TLC wants people (ages 20-45) like you for a new TV show.
We'll send you on an adventure that could change your life!
But first you have to contact us.

Everyone Deserves a Second Chance!!!

If someone you know wants our help call 818.461.3159 or email us at sc@grbtv.com with a brief description of yourself, your ex, and your relationship.

Don’t forget to include a recent photo of yourself AND MENTION CRAIGSLIST!

Don’t worry, just because you don’t know where they are doesn’t mean we can’t find them.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 0 replies

SLEEPOVER!!!!!

2004-01-19T08:56:08Z

ok, im going out of town, so who wants to help organize this sleepover? i think dixie is right, we definitely need some fun distractions. any ideas? what time should we make it, allison? lets do this, itll be fun to have all sexy girlies hanging out together. movies? food? alcohol? sex toys? rituals? art projects? games? drugs? (just kidding mr. rumsfeld....) ideas?!?!?!?!

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 4 replies

so...

2003-12-11T21:22:23Z

what if you don't have a boyfriend???
I still love my shitty ex-boyfriends...does that count?

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 5 replies

loyal like a dog

2003-12-05T01:15:47Z

that gets kicked. and still has that dumb dog look on their face.

in a clash of values, i pick loyalty: you and me against the world kid. honesty: yeah, yeah, nice, but not mission critical as i don't need to know ALL the details, refer back to rule #1 loyalty and it shouldn't hurt me.

but i think i have an above and beyond the call of duty for putting up with absolute pains in the ass! and sometimes i wonder WHY? but sometimes they remind me. :)

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 2 replies

wow-

2003-11-28T15:53:36Z

Now I joined this because like Lupo- I deemed it rather amusing, and I have some .02 on the matter. I also like Alicia (hee!)
While I have to say I have had shitty boyfriends in the past- and I empathize with those of us who have them now...What is it about folks who want to stay with shitty boyfriends????? I mean I can understand certain aspects of social dynamics, and I understand love and being patient, but I know that we as individuals deserve more than constantly needing and wanting things out of our relationships that we are not getting. Isn't it time for us to not settle for less than we deserve??? Sheesh- I mean I would rather be single than not get what I need from my partner.
No offense to you all with them- I mean I can see that certain qualities in people are endearing, but if you are in pain or angst due to your current relationship, I say take a step back and analyze the situation and ask yourself how this is working for you.. I personally would rather be happy and single than angsty and in a relationship that I know is not changing, or that has no potential to. The flip side is that maybe it is something about yourself that is making you unhappy as well, and this, too, would need some attention.
love
angelfish

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 1 reply

Prick...

2003-11-18T09:41:45Z

why am i still in love with this son of a bitch that is so fucking self-centered that he.....aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggg

I want to be rid of these feelings for him already. I would like to meet a new, better man.

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 2 replies

i think we should start recruiting

2003-11-10T03:39:29Z

i suggest a massive invitation campaign for all the girls we know with dubious boyfriends. it'd be awesome, either we'll get a bunch of cool chicks to bitch with or end up alienating all our friends! whos with me!?

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 5 replies

i still love

2003-10-21T12:55:54Z

my shitty ex boyfriend. :* i dont know how to break up with people, especially when i still love them and want to be with them, just not in the same way and not right now. i hope im not too much of a bitch. poor boy. :(

posted in DUMP HIM/HER NOW!!!! - 0 replies